I've never felt this stress before. Whatever I do, I can't take my mind off that thing. Something happened recently and I seriously don't know how to react to it. For the first time in my life, I'm acting like I know nothing, I'm acting like I'm so stupid for not doing what I used to do or what I should do. I'm at total loss but I don't know what to say to the other person without hurting him. I never wanted things like this to happen. I don't want to ruin the friendship between us. I guess he just haven't got to know the real me. I want to say I can't but I don't know how to say it. Things are different when your family are friends. I'm not that easy thinking girl, I think about lots of stuffs, present and also future. How can I face him if we were to bump into each other next time? Especially when his family is there? I feel like hitting my head on the wall, I want to get all these shit out of my head. How I wish things didn't happen, then I wouldn't be in this situation now. I want to pour everything out, I want to shout, I want to cry, but I don't know how and I don't know if I can even do that. I'm just confused. Everything feels like a dream, a bad dream that I had from being too emotional and stressful lately. But snapping my finger, I realize this is not a dream. This is a reality, a reality that hits you with all kind of unexpected stuffs and demands you to figure out yourself how are you going to face and overcome it. For more than ever, I need God's help. I want to be free from all these confusion. I don't want anything else. For now, I just want to go forward without any distraction, to finish what I've came here for and achieve my ultimate dream. Just that, and I'm already happy.
